Thursday, December 23, 2010

Fair Weather Fuck You

Today we talk about fair weather and fake friends. In my world I call these people acquaintances and don't spend too much time with them. However my good friend Kate Holland has requested I talk about these leeches. You all know one of these people. the type who only calls hen their life sucks and they need you to give the advice they won't follow. The person who magically calls you when things are going well in your life so that they can either screw it up or get something out of it.

Or even worse the fucking people who call themselves your friend and then drop you for the stupidest fucking reason possible.

Its hard for me to get upset at anyone else but myself when it comes to this topic. I have lost some important people in my life due to shitty choices I made. I can never undo those choices and I can never make up for what I have done. I can only say I am sorry and what a jackass I have been. But that isn't enough to mend the bonds of friendship.

However when I see others doing this type of damage to their friends and loved ones it drives me fucking insane. Do you not see where you will fucking end up? Do you not see that if you break those bonds they cannot be mended. I have sat idly by and watched good friends just fade from my life and I cannot bear the thought of letting you people go through the same thing if you can help it.

Please stop. Forget your fucking feelings or your useless pride. If you have a friend that you are pushing away because of some jackass reason, please stop being such a used tampon biter swallow your pride and call them. Don't even talk about the issue. Act like a goddamned friend and see what they have been up to. Please take a chance. End your fucktarded jealousy or useless cunt numbing excuses bite the bullet and be a human fucking being for once in your miserable dick smooching life.

As for the other kind of friend...the ones who don't call you unless they need something. Fuck them. They aren't friends they are useless suck hounds who aren't worth the meat they are carrying on those useless bones.

I have a friend who is currently being pushed away by someone. All for the dumbest reason possible. All it is doing is hurting my friend. And I don't care about the reasons the pusher has for leaving my friend in the cold. It isn't right. I just hope that the person reads this and takes a cue from my experience.

Because there was once I had a really good friend who made a mistake and offended the woman I was married too. But instead of talking to him and working things out she shut my friend out. So I did the same out of anger and because I thought it was what I was expected to do. It has been 3 years now. I am getting divorced. I thought I could hash things out with my friend once again. I was wrong. Now I can never get that back. I miss him every day. I remember all the times he had my back and I had his. And It is all gone because of 2 mistakes (1 his and 1 mine) and 3 years of silence.

I have no problems with cutting someone out your life for legit reasons. I just ask that those reasons be considered heavily before you break something that can't be fixed.

Merry Christmas and remember your loyalty, your love, and your friendship are the most important things in the world.

With deep and abiding affection,

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

The problem with mobs.

Our winner asked me very simply if I had done a rant on flash mobs. This one I can feel the heat from certain folks I know who do flash mobs. But in earlier posts I have taken no mercy on saying exactly what I feel so I cannot in good conscience do the same thing here no matter who hates me for my opinion.

That being said...I fucking hate flash mobs. I have never seen one in person. I have never participated in one. The concept of them sorta angers me. I understand that the concept is fun to execute and that your intended arena gives people something to look at outside of their daily grind...OK I get that part. What I don't get is the failure on the part of these mobs to understand a basic fundamental part of theatre. Understanding your audience.

Now I have seen certain groups do flash mobs that sounded fun and caused a good time for those watching. Improv Everywhere based in NYC is pretty good about doing shit that is not very disruptive. But I have seen whole mobs do dance routines in a department store. A fucking department store! Who the fuck does that? If I take the time to go out shopping I either want to enjoy the shopping process or I want to get the fuck in and get the fuck out. I don't need 300 jackoff, cum guzzling, fuck biscuits dancing to whatever half assed no talent cunt with half a voice made the fucking billboard charts for 5 minutes while I am trying to get through my fucking day.

The issue is conformity. The first flash mob was designed as an experiment to make fun of social conformity. To make fun of those people who need to belong to some group. Now they have become the perfect vehicle for those who belong to make some show of force in the fucking world. Imagine everywhere huge cliques of people you hated in high school showing up and ruining your fucking day.

Even worse are the flash mobs that deign to put an element of fun into your day and just violate peoples space. Such as pillow fight day. Imagine walking down the street when 5000 people just start pillow fighting all around you. Now I don't care how fun that sounds. If you aren't a part of it you have just been included in a giant puffy ambush. And lets not fucking forget the word fight is right in the title. You are unwittingly made a part of a big free for all fight. Which if just one person is in the wrong mood the whole thing can go from fluffy pillow fight, to actual fight, to big ass fucking riot.

Long before this idiotic and played out trend started there were protests and groups of people that organised and even those well thought out groups and organized parties still turned to shit. peaceful protests turn to riots too. And they weren't thought out in 20 minutes.

I know that being so far afield from these may cause people to believe that I am just a jackass who pisses on the good time of others who are just trying to express themselves.  And I am. Get the fuck out of my way you useless pricks! Other people who want to perform find venues and places where an audience can choose to go see you. If no one wants to go see you perform. Those are the fucking breaks. Find a new hobby.

And If you need to flash mob. Be fucking creative and non disruptive. Because if I get hit by a pillow on a walk downtown or cant to the section of the store I need because 500 people in gold pants are dancing in my way. I just might start start punching people.

With deep and aiding affection,

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

christmas vs. xmas...which side are you on.

My winner of the blog contest said she was having an argument with a relative about the words Christmas and Xmas. Her relative said some variation on the quote' "if you forget the Christ in Christmas than Christ might forget you." Rather a harsh statement if you ask me. Especially coming from a christian.

Now for a moment let me focus on just the words. Christmas and Xmas, if you believe they are the same thing, are a ridiculous jackassed pairing. It would seem that in further shortening and cutesying of our language that we believe the letter x having really no sound of its own can take the place of anything. With all the fucking places x has been it must be the fucking superman of letters. You mean it can sound like a z, a k-s sound, and apparently the the entire fucking word Christ.

Let me just piss of any true believers for a second and now make the suggestion we start referring to Malcolm X as Malcolm Christ.......yeah, fuck you too.

So linguistically the swap from Christmas to Xmas doesn't work for me. But that is if you view them to be the same thing.

I however don't believe them to be the same thing.

Christmas is the celebration by Christians and their kin to mark the day of Jesus' birth. (Hang on, I will get to that in a minute you impatient fucksticks.) It is the religious holiday for those of the christian faith. These are the people who shove Jesus in your fucking face and say shit like "he's the reason for the season."

Xmas is the celebration of the same day but is for the secular crowd who don't believe in Christianity but don't wanna pass up a good party or the chance to shop. They get saddled with the burden of why Christmas has become so fucking over commercialized as well as the fact that there is a non existent "war on Christmas."

Now both of these have there crosses to bear. (No pun intended) The Christians are overbearing shit guzzlers who feel it is necessary to remind us that they are celebrating the birth of their savior. Despite the fact that most scholars can't really pin down the man's birthday. I have heard that is actually during the summer, I have heard that it is probably in early fall. For sure though we can remember one thing. And that is that religion has lied to us before. Religion will do what it wants in order to get an end result. So the Christians absconded with the winter solstice celebration in order to give the holiday a religious bent. So Jesus is powerful enough to change his fucking birthday to whenever he wants, since we don't know when it is anyway, and in the same swift stroke beat out the pagans for a holiday because evidently the Christians could throw a better party and make everyone forget about the pagan rituals just up the street on December 21st. But don't remind the Christians that a lot of their Christmas traditions still come from pagan lore. That will be our little secret. it upsets them too much and they tend to start crying.

Then the secularists come along with there big business and there tendency to shorten words to make them fit on various purchasable objects and take the Christ right out of the season. Which seemed to disappear quite easily if you ask me. I mean fuck! Give the Christians 30% off and they run screaming to the store just as fast as the non-believers. But they also gave the Christians something to bitch about. And Christians LOVE to bitch about things. They bitch that people forget why we are celebrating. They bitch that they can't scream merry Christmas at you in stores because it might offend non Christians. They bitch that people buy too much shit and don't go to fucking church enough. They bitch that it would seem secularists are doing to them exactly what they did to the fucking pagans a couple thousand years ago.

Fuck off!

Look...I like the holiday no matter what name you put it under. The decorations put up. The lights. The shopping for people you love. The charity given to others. It is all fine by me. So why ruin it with fucking semantics. Who cares what the fucking reason is. Give til it hurts and then give some more. Love others and be a decent person. After all the teachings are more important than the man himself. We should be following ideas not people. And we should not be ashamed to celebrate a holiday that at its heart is just about giving and kindness no matter what your religious beliefs.

I guarantee if you forget the Christ in Christmas Christ won't forget you. But you might get to say it to more people in public. Because if it isn't about Christ then everyone can get on board. And if everyone is on board then we can stop fighting each other and focus on what is really important.

Happy Holidays

With deep and abiding affection,

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Are you fucking kidding me?

A few weeks ago I had a friend in need of some help. I rushed at great risk to myself to help this person and get them what they needed. My act of self sacrifice was applauded by many around me. But why?

Why do we get such accolades for doing the right thing. Believe it or not I do the right fucking thing for people all the time. If my friends need help and I can feasibly be the one to help them then I make sure I do it. That is what a friend does. And yet the act is treated like the fucking second coming.

Now I have no problem taking credit for my good deeds and I have no trouble giving credit when they are done for me. But why do we act so fucking ecstatic when we are helped out? When we should just be fucking angry as hell at those people who do nothing. Why is inaction the normal?

We should be bending over fucking backwards as the standard action one takes to help a friend. Those who sit on their ass and help no one but themselves should be treated like fucking lepers.

To all of them who fit that profile, and you know who you are, FUCK YOU! You worthless spineless fucking gelatinous pus fuckers. Anyone so heartless as to not give a shit about those they profess to love aren't worth spitting on.

I have a love in my life and she and I have both seen friends act as if we are doing the wrong thing. You know what fuckers? Yeah there is a 13 year difference in our ages. You know what? Fuck you! We make one another happy which is what friends and loved ones are supposed to do. The age difference doesn't matter and it never has and it never will. You can think anything you want but the reality is this. No one is going to change my mind about how I feel based on an arbitrary number.So either get right with it or go the fuck away!

Look we are mostly all friends here. So I guess what I am saying is be good to one another. Your real friends should be there for you whenever you need them. And If they aren't then you should kick there ass to the curb. I should know. I have been kicked to the curb before and have learned my lesson. The curb is cold and fucking lonely. I would rather put forth some extra effort and be with friends, rather than be there again.

With deep and abiding affection,

P.S.  I am starting a little contest. Since I am running out of things that piss me off, I want yours. when this link gets posted on facebook it will come with a question about me or it will come with song lyrics be the first to guess it correctly and I will let you tell me the topic of my next hate filled venom spiked tirade. Just remember that you can only pick the have no control on where I go with it. Good luck you fuckers!