Now before I begin let me say that this rant was inspired by true stories but it is not aimed at anyone in particular. This is my feeling in general that was only brought to light by recent events.
Question: When is it OK to blame the victim? If your feelings are hurt, when do you claim responsibility for how you feel, without blaming someone else? I have had my feelings hurt dozens of hundreds of times. Eventually there comes a time to forgive. Eventually there comes a time to be an adult, take the high road, and have a conversation. Sometimes it's immediate. Sometimes it takes a while. And in a few cases the crime is too heinous to ever be forgiven.
If I insult, offend, of hurt your feelings and I am truly remorseful; if I apologize a hundred times, you have a choice...forgive me or don't. If you don't, there is nothing I can do but let you process and wait until you do. In which case those bad feelings are yours and yours alone. You can blame me for causing them but not for the continuation.
If you choose to forgive me and still feel bad, once again I cannot be blamed for your feelings. And if you tell me its OK when it isn't then you are lying to me, and those feelings and the cause of them belong to you and you alone. You have created a situation that I cannot help you end. Once you have let me atone for my sin you cannot lay it upon my head again.
At root peoples feelings get hurt because something insecure or unvalidated gets ruffled. You can take control of that and rise above it. I'm not saying that if you are being bullied by someone, that you are to blame. I am strictly speaking about those who are truly remorseful of their actions. There is a difference between those who abuse maliciously and intentionally; and two friends fucking with each other, and having it go too far.
A wise comedian once said: "In a war there are only two ways to keep from being shot. Either disarm your opponent or build yourself a bullet-proof shield". If you try to disarm the world to keep from getting your feelings hurt you will fail. So it's better to work on your bullet-proof shield.
Mind you this is all logical thinking which is unavailable when hurt feelings cloud your judgement. You will scapegoat people who may not deserve it. You will conveniently forget any possible involvement on your part to cause the argument. But regardless you must remember...
No, you know what? Fuck that!
I am not gonna sit here and pretend that being overemotional is an excuse for not thinking. Shut your mouth and take responsibility. If I call you out on being the bucket of cunt sputum you are acting like and you get offended, I will apologize. But maybe you should stop acting like a bucket of cunt sputum.
If I say you have a fat ass (whether you do or don't) just to razz you and you get hurt; and I apologize; and you say its OK; when it obviously isn't, then my feeling like shit is all the repayment for the insult you are ever gonna get. You have no right to perpetuate my misery to make yourself feel better. At least not more than once. After that you are just being vindictive. And I have no fucking use for you.
Fuck off until you learn to grow up and deal with other people, you fucking cumrag!
With deep and abiding affection,
P.S. For those who think this post is pointed at them...In the words of Denis Leary..."Life sucks, get a fucking helmet."