You are a self centered prick! You are selfish! You don't do shit around the house! You aren't a good friend. Your family will disapprove of you and your choices. You owe me!
These are all words that have been spoken in my direction. All of them add up to one message:
Gabriel, you are worthless.
I spent the better part of yesterday feeling sorry for my fucking worthless life. I asked others to help me out and they stuck their fingers in the dam of my self confidence. But in the end, my fear and doubt broke through. Leaving me a drowning man in my neuroses.
Then this morning it hit me. When I was all alone. I thought of something the wise man in my head always says.
I do absolutely everything that I can in my power to do exactly what I was meant to do. Make my life happy and worth living. I don't always do the best job, but fuck it! Neither does anyone else. I am sick of these cunt juicers and cum spitters telling me that I am worthless because I don't do what they want or what they think is right. It is the very definition of hypocrite to scream at me for thinking of myself and not thinking of you first.
I will be forever of the mindset that the most important person in MY fucking life is me. I love others. I do what I can for them and I try to be good. But if I don't take care of myself first then how will I be able to take care of anyone else. So for your approval, and suggestions as to further inclusions, I give you a small example of part of my honor code. A little known section of principles I call:
the selfish bastard rules.
Rule 1: When in doubt...fuck 'em. You are not responsible for other peoples lives and if they give you any reason to doubt yours...fuck 'em they ain't worth the trouble.
Rule 2: Never do a favor for anyone without getting something in return. Why fucking wait for repayment or the possibility that the other person will ever show gratitude? Get it up front so you get something out of it and no one is fucking owed anything.
Rule 3: If you want something...take it. This one has some exceptions I shouldn't have to fucking spell it out for you jokers. But if what you want is out there and you can get it without harming anyone. Go get the fucking thing. If someone else wanted it. Too bad. They should've been faster.
Rule 4: Don't feel bad for taking personal time. The entire world tells people who are parents and full time workers to make sure that you take time out for yourself. Then they castigate them for actually doing it. Should you find yourself in this situation...remember rule one.
These are just the first few of these. If anyone out there is of the same mindset I would be happy to take down your suggestions for more rules. I eventually want to write them down and hand them to people as a guide for those who are stretched too thin in the service of others.
"You are a self centered prick Gabriel!" To me this statement and others like it will forever mean that I do what I must to make myself happy. And if you can't understand that then fuck you. I will not apologize to a self righteous waste of fucking time like you. I hope you get ass raped by a hot muffler.
With deep and abiding affection,