I am a pirate at heart. I love adventure. I love the water and i love rum and a good piece of steel. I even like a little violence now and again, but we have reached a time that makes me cringe.
Now I love the holiday it is awesome to get free candy and to see what every girl is going to dress up as the slutty version of. But I fucking hate horror films. I don"t like them at all. I just don't understand this fucking desire by a large amount of the general public to feel an emotion that is supposed to be one of warning and alarm. Why the fuck is this logical to anyone.
And yet every Halloween I am bombarded by fright fests and chilltacular extravaganzas. And no place is safe. I cant watch comedy central without a fucking commercial where someone is being mutilated. What the fuck is wrong with you people.
Now I know some of you gore hounds out there are going to say that they aren't that scary and I am just being a chickenshit. FUCK YOU! Your opinion is fucking subjective and you deserve to have a hot clam chowder enema for suggesting that your opinion is gospel.
Now listen to me, clit monkeys. If you like horror that is your fucking business. I appreciate some of the genre. But I think that horror needs to be treated like porn. You shouldn't bring it out at the party. Unless everyone agrees that its something to see. And everyone agrees not to pleasure themselves to it. OK maybe not so much that last bit for horror.
But I digress. I don't think that my taste in anything should be questioned. Or anyone else's taste. I am not a coward because I don't like to be scared. Any more so than you are a fucking chauvinistic tampon sniffer if you don't like romantic comedy. Your judgement is fucked. So is everyone else's.
I think that slasher flicks are the worst movies on the planet. Not just because of the fucking subject, no. Not a single one of them has decent dialogue or even believable characters. I mean seriously how many times was Jamie Lee Curtis gonna set the sharp object down right next to the "surely dead" Micheal Myers? It must've been like 5 times. But I will not question those people who want to watch that shit. They like it. That is fine. Just don't expect me to show up if that is the activity for the night. You take a butcher knife and shove it right up your ass! Or just copy what you saw in one of those movies you jackholes!
With deep and abiding affection,
P.S. Thanks again to the Bruce for his wonderful contribution. I am never washing my hands again. Now come over here and shake my hand bitches!