Tuesday, September 14, 2010


First let me say that it isn't that I don't care about the environment. I do. I use the longer lasting light bulbs. I recycle cans. I conserve energy in the home. I try and not waste because it costs me fucking money. So I see that there is a reason for being green as they say. However that is the extent of my green. In both senses of the term.

Every time I hear about how I need to do more to save the earth I say, fuck you. The next person I hear who suggests driving a hybrid or more energy efficient car I am gonna kick them square in the fucking crotch. They always spout that idea like its the easiest fucking thing in the world to buy a car. OK I will just run out with the extra 30 grand in my pocket and buy a new fucking car. Fuck you people. Oh wait...30 isn't enough for some of them. No some of us have to be happy with the car we have. For some that is the bus.

Now maybe you can travel on the bus comfortably, but I cannot. Mostly because I have a face that makes the world wanna talk to me. When I rode the bus I consistently heard phrases spoken to me like..."you look trustworthy." followed by the craziest shit I have ever heard. One guy gave me his plan and his "research" on how to spin the earth the other way by placing jet engines on the equator. I swear to fucking Christ I am not making this up. No more buses for me.

The very height of green crazy is Eco terrorism. This is usually to describe the obsessive actions of a person who cares about the environment so much that they are willing to take drastic measures. Often, measures that cause harm to people and the planet. That is right they still harm the planet.

All over the country these vagina barnacles have started setting fire to housing projects.

I will repeat that.


Do these cock jockeys have any sense of fucking irony? "You know what? I don't like that they are tearing down the natural landscape to build luxury homes. So I think I will further global warming's effects on the planet by setting a huge fire." Not to mention they are setting fire to a wood structure. WOOD! You know, that stuff that grows on trees? Yeah that stuff that you are concerned about them cutting down to build more homes. Well guess what asswipe. They are just going to cut more down in order to build the homes anyway. And if they don't, you have still wasted an absolute fuck ton of natural resources. YOU HAVEN'T DONE SHIT TO SAVE THE PLANET YOU FUCKING ARSONIST PIECE OF SHIT CUNT LOOGIE!

The real problem is that to have any true effect on saving the planet we have to turn to those with the resources and the power to do real work. If you want people to drive cleaner cars either make the cars less expensive or start having the fucking ethanol pumps at my gas station. If you want cleaner fuel sources then put time and money into the effort of finding them. Fuck I mean get NASA on that shit. They aren't doing shuttle missions for a while. And people love when you say that shit is made by NASA. Just look at all the fuckers who bought those memory foam mattresses. But you can't just research the fuels and then say they are possible. You have to fucking make them useful and available to the public.

I see commercial after commercial for clean energy that we could be using. Well, where the fuck is it asswipe? Until we can get it in our own community, it isn't doing shit.

You want us to be green, dickhead? This is one of those problems that has to start from the top and make its way down. Because, guess what. We are already doing as much as we can down here.

With deep and abiding affection,


  1. Highlights for me: Vagina Barnacles; Jet engines on the Equator; Cunt Loogie; Shit made by NASA.

    Deep and Abiding Affection,

  2. Hey Gabe... buy a Prius. I'll even paint a skull and crossbones on it for you.


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