Wednesday, September 22, 2010

fuck family!

I love my family. My immediate family. I love my mom and dad. I love my brother and his family. I have a lot of love to give. Now having said that there is some extended family that I have, that I wish I could make disappear. I can probably count on one hand the number of people I have in my extended family who I would want to talk to. The rest can go fuck themselves. For any of them reading this, I will tell you why.

You don't know me. Blood is thicker than water in a scientific sense, but it means very little to me metaphorically. I don't give a fuck about you. Don't think that just because your blood you can ask anything of me.

I got a message the other day from an uncle of mine wanting to be friends on facebook saying that my grandmother wasn't doing well and they needed to get a message to my dad. I emailed the important message to those who might want it but said nothing else. Now, my father is estranged from most of his family including his parents and doesn't care to speak to a lot of them. The reasons behind this are too many to go into and I don't want to invade my fathers privacy anymore than I have to. (sorry dad if I already have, but this is about me, not you so I'm about to turn it around.)

My grandparents tried to have a relationship with me when I was in high school. They showed up out of the blue and I went to have dinner with them. I have never, at that time, heard anyone in my presence use the word nigger so many times. Not even black people. I chalked it up to being from a different era and thought I shouldn't make judgements. I might still be able to have a relationship with these people. I spoke to them on the phone a total of 3 times. Everytime we spoke my grandfather pleaded with me to bridge a gap between him and his son, my father. I was 17 years old. What the fuck was I supposed to do? Nevertheless I stupidly tried. Nothing came of it because you can't mend that sort of damage through sheer will alone.

Then it began to dawn on me that this old motherfucker was supposed to be getting to know me. ME! Not trying to reach someone else. He had no fucking interest in being my grandfather, he wanted to use me as a pawn. And consistently I begin to see throughout my life how my father became so distant from them. Because none of them wanted to have a relationship. They just wanted to know that they didn't screw up.

Well guess what fuckers. You screwed up. And you will continue to screw up. And I will not be used in any of your fucking games to validate yourselves. Fuck off. The next one of you assmonkeys that tries to use me as a messenger service you can go shove a loaded gun up your ass and pull the trigger.

I know I usually make these posts more generalized so that everyone can get on board. And some of this applies to you people as well. Family isn't that fucking sacred. Your family is made up of people and just like everyone else they have to earn respect and kindness and love by being a decent fucking human being. They don't just get a pass by virtue of similar DNA. I would work harder to make this a better argument for all of you but I needed this one to myself. Just to say, I have had enough.

I can't take it anymore. If you think I'm your friend just because you are family...think again. You don't know me. If you want to know me, make the effort. But don't assume you are gonna get a pass. I still may not give a shit about you. But at least in this regard I will tell you respectfully that I don't fucking care about you or your life, or what your problems are or who is fucking dying.

I am not a means to an end. I am a fucking human being who is worth treating with some fucking respect.

Just fuck off and leave me alone.

With deep and abiding affection


  1. Gabe I am so sorry that they are doing this to you again. :( And I know exactly what you mean about wishing part of the family would disappear. And for those who think that he's exaggerating about how many times his grandfather uses the "n" word, think again. He is the most racist person I have ever met in my life, and I live in Klan country.

  2. thank you kayti. sincerely this has been boiing inside me for 2 days now and I just needed to get it out. i am so glad I have a relative on that side who lets me know that half of where I come from isnt a total loss. You and my dad and welthy make it easier.

  3. Yeah well when it comes to "this side" of your family, there's your Aunt Welthy, your dad, and me... and then there's everyone else, most of whom don't like us because we're not like them (mostly because we use our brains, but I digress). Besides, like I said before, there's the family you're born into and then there's the family you choose, and the family you choose is more important. I choose you, your brother, and your mom and dad every day of the week and twice on Sunday. :)

  4. Yeah Gabe... I guess I can count you as family too. I mean, really... how could I just leave giant baby looking like that on my doorstep? Just don't call me your "old man" or I'll drop kick you to next Thursday (Oh, and twice on Sunday, too). :)